Archive for November, 2008

My last post…

No, not my last one!  I was just referencing the last thing I posted to my blog!  I know, whew! Actually, the thing before last since I was thinking about food all day yesterday….Although, I seriously considered ending this bloggity thing–it’s really hard to be transparent!  There’s a fine line between sharing when it might be beneficial for someone else, and over-sharing…I’m going to tread real close to that line, I just know it.  But, I know I’m not the only one who is affected by visual media in this way.  No way.

So, I wonder how many non-girls read my last post?  How many people now know that I struggle with being discontent in my relationships b/c of messages planted in my head by Hollywood?  I wish I were better with words so that I could say everything about this that I want to say.  God has been revealing truth to me about this issue for YEARS.  YEARS.  I’m so slow to learn.

I’ve thought before that romantic scenes in movies are my emotional porn.  If a scene in a movie has some dude really loving a girl–I’m mean really emotionally engaged with her, then I want to watch that scene over and over.  I can play it over in my head in a longing sort of way.   Yeah, I know it’s not healthy.  and I know it’s not reality.

You might (or might not) be thinking, but, Cari, aren’t you married?  Yes, I am.  But, I think that my expectations for emotional connection are way out of touch with reality.  My poor husband could never measure up.  This is not (by any stretch of the imagination) my only relationship issue, but it’s where God is working most intently right now in my life.

Am I the only one?

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Food, food, oh, the food.

This has been a VERY difficult few days for me!  Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, I see is about some special holiday food.  I answered a silly online quiz today with Thanksgiving as my favorite holiday.  and it’s all b/c of the food.  Growing up, the meal was an event…all the traditional sides.  Green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and gravy, dressing, broccoli-rice casserole (is this traditional), sweet potatoes, rolls, and the can-shaped lump of cranberry sauce.  And I liked it all.  Let me re-phrase–I LOVED it all…still do.

oh, the holiday desserts, cookies, bread, etc. My mouth is watering as I type.

Thanksgiving is all about partaking in as much of this yummy as possible, and then going back for “Just a little bit more”.  Oh. my. gosh.  Maybe if I had these things more often, I would feel the need (and I mean NEED) to overindulge…but, then they wouldn’t be as special…sigh…

So, the question is, do I throw caution to the wind and eat what I want tomorrow?  Or stick to my “gettin’ healthy” strategy and eat in moderation?  One could argue that if it’s getting healthy I’m after (instead of JUST losing weight) then I should figure out a strategy for enjoying my favorite foods in moderation. Hmmm….

I know I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight….I’m just soooo excited!

For girls only…

Unless you just want to delve into the inner workings of the female mind, I suggest you click here instead of reading on. 🙂  You’ve been warned.  You’re welcome, Justin. 🙂

I read a post this morning over at Virtuous Reality that made my heart stop.  I wanted to just copy and paste the whole thing over here, but I’ll link to it instead at the bottom and just touch on a couple of points.  I love this blog, b/c it’s about girls and combating the messages that the world sends to them.  (It’s actually a blog for teen girls) But, it’s everything God is teaching me about who I am,  who I am not, and why I struggle with the sin that I struggle with.

“Our world has built up human relationships as the ultimate goal for girls, but Biblically the ultimate relationship is always always Jesus. He’s the original White Knight riding in on His horse to save us (Revelation 19:11) and He is the only Faithful and True love who will satisfy.”

Ok, this sounds lovely, but really?  Can Jesus really satisfy the longing in my soul to be loved, cherished, desired?

“if you find that you are obsessed with the stories and dream of being swept off your feet by someone like Edward (from the Twilight books), you probably need to step back from the books and spend some time pursuing the Lover of your soul who died so that you could truly live. We settle much too easily for what the world has to offer and miss out on the one thrilling relationship that we were made for.”

The world has trained girls/women, ME, to think that the fantasy of stories from books, movies and TV is somehow linked to the reality of real world relationships.  Why is it that girls LOVE chick flicks and TV shows with romance?? Why??  Because we are relational.  That’s the way God designed us.  and because girls need to know that somebody thinks we are beautiful.  That somebody loves us, accepts us, completes us, takes care of us, protects us, stands up for us.  We’re empty, scared, and vulnerable without that somebody.

Well, correct me if I’m wrong and you do have this perfect man, but I’m thinkin’ that my Jesus is the ONLY one who could ever fill these shoes.  So for now, for me, ALL other influences must be silenced so that I can hear my  Jesus saying, “Cari, you’re beautiful.  Cari, you are completely loved and accepted. Cari, I will defend you, protect you, and never leave you.”  Cari, you are special to me and I’m so proud of you.”  “Cari, nobody will ever separate me from you. I will always be there for you and always, always be EVERYTHING you need.”

Nothing else will satisfy my desire to be loved, cherished, and desired.

http://www.virtuousreality.com/blog/2008/11/vampires_take_2.html

I’m Stronger today than I was yesterday

What I’ve learned through books, experience, and a kinesiology class in college is that building muscles/getting stronger always involves several things.

  • pushing yourself farther than you want to go
  • pain (to say that I’m sore after bootcamp on Monday mornings would be a gross understatement)
  • eating the right things, avoid the wrong things
  • pain (did I already mention that?)
  • reaching past your comfort level to do more than you’ve done before

You can exercise and not push yourself very hard (you know, just do what’s comfortable and stop when you get tired), but you probably won’t get a whole lot stronger–at least not very fast.

So, here’s where I’m going with this.  I’ve spent a lot of energy and time “gettin’ heathly” lately.  I’m still obsessing and logging every single thing I eat in FitDay.com…although I did eat a bowl of cereal last night that I didn’t record–however, I just mentioned it here, so I guess that counts…anyway,  since a girls self-image is usually sooo wrapped up in how she looks, I want to “Get Healthy” on the inside too.  So, I’m also working on strengthening my spiritual muscles.

To get spiritually stronger and more mature, i.e. know and love God more intimately, I must do all of those same things mentioned above.  Push myself past the point of comfort. Consume the right things (and avoid unhealthy things).  Feel pain.

I’m reading (and LOVING) the Old Testament right now~~I know I’ve mentioned that.  Avoiding TV.  I know that not everything on TV is bad.  I really don’t want to be a freak about this, but there are just certain things on tv that I have to avoid during this time. (I’ll post on this in detail some other time)  There is also a tough conversation that I need to have and soon.  That’s the pushing past my comfort zone part.  I hate conflict and avoid it if at all possible. But it needs to be done.  I know I’ll never get stronger if I allow things to stay the same.  God is pushing me farther than I want to go for His glory and because He loves me more than I can even fathom.  But right now, all I’m feeling is the pain.

Past Blast–stylin’ in the 80’s

Oh, Mercy.

mustang-2

Mercy, I wish I could say that this picture was taken on Halloween–that what I’m wearing is a costume, but I’m afraid not.  Yes, those are high top Converse, and yes, they do match that bandana around my neck.

But, that’s not the point of this post.  I probably could have attempted to Photo Shop myself out of this picture, but then the world would have missed out on re-living my fine ’80’s style.

After my the incident with my first ‘stang–the smokin’ hot one–I needed a new one. So we took the $2400 the insurance company gave us, added $1000 and found this 1982 White Ford Mustang.  Let me just tell you that this was NOT one of Ford’s finer years.  This car’s nickname was Pokey, and she lived up to her name, bless her heart.    Just ask my sister who inherited this fine automobile.   Right, Cindi?

Blood and guts, mystery and intrigue

“Anyone who says the Old Testament is boring, has never read the Old Testament.” I said casually after reading one night. Seeing some interest in my 14 year old, I proceeded to read from 2 Kings, chapter 9…

So they threw her (Jezebel) out the window, and her blood spattered against the wall and on the horses.  And Jehu trampled her body under his horses’ hooves…when they went out to bury her, they found only her skull, her feet and her hands!

He ran to his room, grabbed a sheet of paper and pencil and ran back, practically landing in my lap!  “Where’s that at again?!?”  As he wrote down the book, chapter, and verse, I saw an opening.  I flipped back to some other places I had noted that were interesting.  I don’t care why he’s reading his bible, as long as he’s reading it.  Here’s just a few of the “exciting” stories I pointed him to–he’ll hunger for more and in the process hopefully know God better.

  • 2 Kings 8:15 “Hazael took a blanket, soaked it in water, and held it over the king’s face until he died”
  • 2 Samuel 20:10 “his insides gushed out onto the ground”
  • 1 Samuel 4:18 “he broke his neck and died, for he was old and overweight”
  • Judges 16:29 “Samson put his hands on the two center pillars that held up the temple…and pushed…the temple crashed down on the Philistine rulers and all the people. So he killed more people when he died than he had during his entire lifetime.”

Another Blast–my first car!

Man, I wish I had a before picture of this super smokin’ hot car.  All I have is an “after” pic…after it became really, literally, smokin’ hot.  It actually caught on fire while I was driving it–at night, in an unfamiliar part of town, and before cell phones. My beautiful, 1972 Ford Mustang, V-8 (all this means to me is that it was fast).  I thought this car was amazing, and it was.  Until….

mustang

…it was forever “curbed”.  I can’t remember exactly what the firemen said…something like “fuel leak”, or something like that. Sad, sad day for a 16 year old.  and scary, too.