I’m new.

I’m critical. I’m judgmental. I’m not a nice person naturally.

There.  I said it.  That’s my big secret.  I generally hide it well.  I think…

When I think back to 10 years ago–before I discovered the forgiveness and grace of Jesus–I did not hide it nearly as well.  I yelled at my kids.  I was angry a lot.  I was vocally critical of others.  I worried all the time.  I was mean and belittling to my husband.  I was sad.  You are glad you didn’t know me then.  and if you did, I’m sorry.  I’m really, really sorry.

Fortunately, God is continually making me new.   He didn’t just do it once, in October 1999, although He certainly did do it then.  It’s a miracle that my family survived intact until I allowed God to step in and begin His business of healing, reshaping, and restoration.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Cor 5:17

So, I’m a new person.  Daily, God is restoring me to the woman he wants me to be.   I’m learning to accept. and to be accepted.  He is showing me grace. and showing grace through me.  and most importantly—>LOVE…God is showing me what love is, who love is, and how to love others like I never understood before.  that love is a choice, not a feeling.  it’s a decision, not a reaction.

Oh, yeah, and I’m 40 today.  If I’m this new today, I can’t wait until tomorrow…and the next day…and the next!

4 responses to this post.

  1. Hooray for God’s continual makeovers! We’ve needed them before and we’ll need ’em again(every morning-turns out).
    I didn’t know the ten year ago you but I knew the 20+ year ago you and I liked that girl. I like this older and wiser one even more!! Happy Birthday to you! You are a terrific example of God’s love and faithfulness. Have many more great years working for His Kingdom!!

  2. Hi Cari! I found your blog. What a refreshing, honest and inspiring post. I struggle with revealing my weaknesses to others- some kind of innate need to appear perfect, I guess. But I’m really, really imperfect and your honesty inspires me to be more open about my struggles and what God is showing me through them.

    Happy birthday!

  3. Posted by christyd4 on August 4, 2009 at 8:11 am

    I knew you 10 years ago, and still loved you. I’ve known you my whole life, and you’re one of the strongest people I know. I long to have the relationship with God that you do, but I’m a much better person today than I was before because of the relationship I do have. I wake up every day and am amazed at what He’s done with my family.

    Glad you had a good birthday!

  4. Posted by Marnie on August 16, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Hey Cari…I just found your blog so I’m getting up date by reading your older posts. Good stuff!!! Happy belated 40th birthday!!!

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