My Testimony–part 1

I’m approaching my 10 year “anniversary” of when I allowed Jesus to come into my life and make me new.  I want to tell my story.  I know I’ve shared bits and pieces, but I need to lay it all out.  It was October ’99.

I’ll begin in September 1999.  Kevin and I had just “celebrated” our 10 year anniversary.  We had 2 young kids, 5 and 2,  and a mountain of debt.    If you’ve ever been deep in debt, you know the weight and stress that carries.  Add to it much fighting (kids and adults) and a distant marriage relationship, and you have hopelessness, emptiness, pain, sadness…

I remember driving to a MOPS meeting at a church (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers).  I was on the arts and crafts committee, I think, and was involved in planning and organizing the monthly events.  Ironically, this is a religious group where prayer and God were central parts, and I was NOT a Christian–I’m not sure if I really believed God was even real.  I just wanted a chance to be w/ grown ups since I was a stay-at-home mom at the time.   I didn’t care about all that God stuff.

ANYWAY, I was driving alone to a planning meeting on a Tuesday night and crying about my life troubles.  It was dark outside, so I sat in the car outside the church where we were meeting, trying to pull myself together before I went inside.  (I needed to put on my happy face before I went in…don’t we all do that?)  But, I was miserable.  I remember thinking that I could just drive…and keep driving, and not go back home.  I would miss my kids, sure, but they’d be fine–and better off.  I couldn’t bring myself to end my life, but I certainly thought about running away and never coming back.  I was scared, alone, angry…

The rest of that night was a blur…I DID go home, though.  Back to the grind.  No answers, no solutions.  No hope.

To be continued…

2 responses to this post.

  1. I really mustn’t wait much longer to read part II. It won’t be good for reader morale you see. 🙂 I didn’t realize you’ve only been a Christian for 10 years. We have MOPS in our town too. It’s a great way for young mothers to come to Christ!! Ok, I’ll be here….just waiting…no pressure…

  2. Posted by christyd4 on September 1, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    You truly inspire me. I feel like I’m looking to a window into your soul and it’s such a privilege. Thank you for sharing this.

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