Archive for October, 2009

Silence, Please

In a state of deep reflection

Trying to sort out feelings, thoughts, opinions, ideals

If only I could silence the noise and distractions long enough to sort it out

If I don’t, the opportunity is lost forever–slipping through the cracks made by noise

Meditate, concentrate on these things for long enough, revelation comes

Beautiful Revelation, the kind the only come from the Spirit…like a bright light

My eulogy–first attempt

I’ve decided to write my own eulogy, pronounced u-googaly, if you’ve seen Zoolander.  If you read my post here, you’ll remember that I was contemplating what people say about loved ones when they die.   Dead people are always perfect blessings.  Their flaws are forgotten and their gifts and attributes are magnified. Is this just human nature?   I can kind of understand why we do it, but am I the only one who worries at funerals about what people will say about me when I die?  Could I possibly deserve such high praise?

First, I need to mention a couple of things…lay a foundation, if you will.  This will be a memorial service/celebration.  There will be no casket, no body to view, and no people all dressed in black.  Wear your everyday clothes, people,  I mean it.   I’ll be toasted and scattered in a pretty, quiet wooded area somewhere.   I’d sure love it if there were GOBS of flowers at this memorial event, but I’m kinda frugal, and I know that flowers can be EXPENSIVE, so I’ll be flexible on this point.  You can even have the thing outside in the aforementioned wooded area if the weather’s nice.

So, what will they say?    Oh my, this is harder than I thought.  I’m staring at this blinking cursor, with no idea how to start.

What kind of music is God’s favorite?

I walked by Cory’s room the other night and heard the most awful noise coming from his room.   The guttural screaming was almost unbearable to these 40 year old ears.  Does my child actually enjoy listening to scream-o music?  What have I done??  I’ve failed as a parent.  just kidding. but, really…it’s awful.

I knocked on his door and went in to sit on his bed.  I joked a little about his music choice. Actually, truth be told, I asked him where he got that “devil music”.  ha.  it was a joke.  He didn’t appreciate it.  He insisted that it was “Christian” music, and I laughed and said “how would you know?  you can’t even understand them”.

A couple of minutes later, he called me over to the computer–he wanted me to read the lyrics of the song he’d been listening to.  Here they are, from August Burns Red.

Pretty good stuff.  If you’d like to actually hear them, here’s the link to the song on youtube. Click and listen if you dare.

I trust in you for life to live, and air to breath.
Purity fills my lungs.
I no longer live in solitude.
No longer bound.
My heart beats with great devotion.
This is the start to a new beginning.
On my knees praying for mercy.
Hands raised high, humble and broken. Wanting your grace.
Wanting your security.
Memories of laying facedown, motionless, with such a hollow feeling inside.
Soon I would end this life I was living.
I am just a man with a heart and sinful hands.
I am a fallen victim.
Lord, show me the way. I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way. Take me in your arms. Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.

So, sorry, Cory.    I suppose any music style that praises God and speaks to believers is something I can’t argue with.   Just please don’t make me listen to it, k?  Love ya, bud!

Cont’d, book review–sort of

A couple more things that struck me about the families in Mistaken Identity. Thoughts about dealing with adversity, and living up to expectations, and speaking highly of the dead…

  • They knew where there strength came from–the family that was preparing for the funeral–with an overwhelming amount of painful tasks to do in just a couple of days–took 2 full hours each day to worship God, read scripture and pray together before they faced the day.  2 hours!  No, they did NOT have time to do it, but they took the time (at their oldest daughters insistence) and they did more in the remaining hours of the day then they could have w/o being firmly planted in the Lord’s presence.
  • God is in the whisper–When Whitney (the only surviving student in the accident) had recovered, everyone said to her “Oh, God, must have BIG plans for you”.  It scared her to think that now the expectation for her life was unrealistic.   Somebody shared with her the story of Elijah in I Kings 19.  While Elijah was waiting for God, there was an earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake.  Then there came a fire, but God was not in the fire.  Then there came a gentle whisper–and there God was.  So, she reasoned, why couldn’t she bring God glory in the gentle whispers of her life.  It doesn’t have to be some GRAND extravagant gesture…but just being faithful and obedient in a quiet way is enough.

**Short side note that will likely make me sound like a callous jerk–but is NOT meant that way at all!–Why do people always talk about the deceased, esp. children, as if they were saints or angels?  I’m sure it’s probably something in our human nature that death causes us to see the lives of those that have died in a overly positive light.   But reading some glowing description of the deceased usually takes me down a road of self-evaluation, i.e., what would people say about me?  what would I say about my children?  And usually I come up short.  and so do my children.    I’m just sayin’ that I hate reading about dead perfect children.  Why doesn’t God ever take home some of the naughty children?  Ok, I think I’ve crossed a line and I need to stop.  Maybe I am a callous jerk.  yikes.

Book review–sort of

I just took a car trip, which usually means I just finished a book.  My last 2 trips I read the Shack and most of Crazy Love.  This time it just happened to be a book that my mom had with her.  She finished Mistaken Identity while we were in Colorado, so I read it on the drive home.  In case you’re unfamiliar, the book chronicles 2 families whose college age daughters were in a horrific car accident together.  One lives, one dies, but the rescue team got them mixed up at the scene.  So one family buries their daughter and the other begins a 5 week journey of survival and rehab—and then they have to switch places. I have had a couple or 3 thoughts rolling around in my head since…I need to share.

  • Scripture–both families are already strong Christ followers when the accident occurs.   Every thought, choice, and action is rooted in scripture and an unshakable faith in the Lord.  The pages were filled with verse after verse of comfort, peace, understanding, salvation, hope…and that’s the kind of thing that does not just happen over night.  This was a foundation that was laid long before this devastating accident.  It reminds me to prepare.  Tragedy, trauma, or at least sadness, is inevitable in this life.  I want to have as much of God’s word in my heart and mind as possible, so that when adversity comes, I will have the tools and weapons to fight, heal, or overcome.
  • forgiveness--when asked if they were angry and would pursue legal action (after the mistake was discovered) both families modeled true forgiveness in a way that the world rarely gets to see.  The dad of  Laura (the girl who died) was asked if the family would seek restitution, he replied “I’ve been forgiven of worse, how can I not forgive this mistake”.  The media tried to provoke a response–they responded with love.  It was beautiful.

There’s more…I’m saving it for tomorrow…or the next day, though. 🙂

me…the guest blogger


I was featured as a guest on Swerve again.  Remember my first time…here?  This time it’s not so….challenging.  Still, I wanted to share.

the Mysteries of God

In him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Col 2:3

The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions. Duet 29:29

There is so much about God that we will never understand.  The book of John closes by telling us that if everything that Jesus did was written down, there wouldn’t be room to put all the books required.  That’s a lot of stuff.

If you stay close to Him though, He’ll reveal what you need, when you need it.  Colossians says that ALL of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge lie in Him.  ALL.  So, are you confused?  Wondering which way to turn?  What your next decision should be?  Ask Him.  oh, and don’t forget to stick around and listen for His answer.

Then remember, we are accountable to all that He has revealed to us.

feel sorry for me yet?

I’ve lost precious time to Mr. Flu.  Yes, constant sorrow.  I needed a little pick me up…

Flu away!

So, it’s 10/11 and I did NOT Race for the Cure yesterday.  Sorry, Susan G. Komen, I wanted to (sort of), but I stayed home with the flu instead.  Fever, achy, coughing…when will there be a cure for that?  I don’t see anybody racing for that.

Sorry, I mean absolutely NO disrespect for breast cancer sufferers, survivors, and victims.  Breast cancer is certainly WAY worse than the flu…it’s just that I don’t have breast cancer right now, only the flu, and I tend to live in the moment.  I know, I’m a self-centered, egomaniac…and I’m redundant.  and right now my “moment” is full of hacking, coughing, achy-ness.  *groan*  btw, this a flu that will never have a “name”.  No need to go to the dr and pay a copay so they can tell me if my flu has a name…oink.

Nothing tastes good, not even candy corn.  Soup and cheddar cheese pringles are all I can manage.

Now, I just have to go sanitize EVERYTHING and pray that the rest of my family stays healthy.  We’re going on a short vacation in 5 short days–and meeting my sister, bro-in-law, and their 2 precious children.  and can NOT share this stuff with them.