To Eat or Not to Eat

In the last year and a half, actually closer to 2 years, I have lost 20 pounds and managed to keep it off for longer than I ever have.  According to conventional charts and scales, I am at a “healthy weight”.  More importantly, I’ve had a shift in attitude and feelings about food. I noticed sometime in December of 2011 that I was choosing the food that I ate instead of letting it choose me simply by being nearby or available. I even managed to skip dessert at a couple of big “event” meals. Skip dessert!?! That never happens, right!? I just didn’t want it. O_O

In the past, the thought process has always been “I want that, BUT I’m trying to lose weight so I won’t have it-boo hoo hoo, poor me”.  Suddenly, I looked at the brownies and thought “nah, I’m just not hungry for that”.  (Who am I kidding–it did not happen “suddenly”, I just suddenly noticed that my thought process had changed)

How and exactly when I crossed over into the realm of freedom, I do not know.  But freedom is exactly what it feels like.  Freedom from resisting urges and painful sacrifices.  Freedom from the NEED for sugary goodness.

Now don’t get me wrong, those chains that bound me for so long are still here, laying on the counter next to me. (metaphorically speaking, of course) There is always the chance I could slip back into bondage in this area.  It could be next year or it could be tomorrow. I know I’m still vulnerable.

I will continue to meditate on exactly how I got here.  I think that will help with the future battles I will surely face. and hopefully it could help others to experience that same freedom.

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