I don’t know where to begin…or end.  The end of the second week of Insanity was not as grand as the beginning.  I was hating it.   So I took 2 days off instead of 1.  I know, I’m wild. and a little crazy.  But, that helped a little, so I’m back into it…1/2 way through the 3rd week.  But, really, if I can’t get a handle on these Twizzlers, is going to be all for naught.   All of that sweating and panting and pain ruined by dozens of strawberry-flavored ropes of high fructose corn syrup. It would be a travesty.

And speaking of pain…you know what can hurt?  Kids.  They have the unique ability to break your heart like nothing and nobody else can. Can I get an amen, anybody!?  As moms, we seem invincible to them.   If we’ve done our jobs, they know that we love them unconditionally–no matter what they say or do, we will love them.  As Cameron said today, we are their “safe place”.  But what they can’t understand yet, is the pain we feel when they hurt us.  I think it’s rarely intentional, they don’t mean to hurt, but their disobedience, or bad choices, or harsh words, cut like a sword. (Prov 12:18)  Cut.  Like a sword.  Like deep, painful wounds.  Soul crushing pain. Ripping your heart out in a rough and painful manner.  Are we clear yet?

I so badly just want to fast forward  5-7 years from now because I’m confident that “He who began a good work, is faithful to complete”(Phil 1:6) but I can’t… I must endure the hardships of motherhood…a little while longer?? Forever? Does it ever get easy?? Will it kill me before it makes me stronger???  James said “Consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds…they come so that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, that you might be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

Pure joy?  Instead of crying my eyes out? More like while crying my eyes out.   I know, KNOW, KNOW, KNOW  that God understands with intimate detail the things that keep me up at night. He’s not surprised, He’s not scared. Nothing is hidden from him.  He is still sovereign,still good, still holy, still jealous for me, and He will never ever leave me.    I pray daily for wisdom and perspective.  Wisdom so I will say and do the things that honor him and teach my kids, and perspective to know that what I see in the immediate, isn’t the end…that God is still actively working in me and in my kids to give me a future and a hope. (Jer 29:13)

Maybe I should pray the same things for my physical health and well-being–wisdom to know when to put the Twizzlers away (and don’t go back and get them 10 minutes later!) and perspective–one mess up today doesn’t mean complete failure for the rest of my life.  Perspective can be a powerful thing–I may have to meditate on “perspective” and right a whole blog post of that topic. 🙂

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