What Do You See?

sock

Yes, sometimes I wear those little tiny no show socks with my Sperry’s and they come off my heel and get balled up inside my shoe. and sometimes I just leave it. because no matter how many times I fix it, it always slides back off. and then sometimes I just rip it off and throw it in the trash and go without-which I hate, but you gotta make a choice. I know….life is ROUGH.

But, really, life is ROUGH right now. It has been for the last several months. Really rough. All aspects of it. It’s coming at me from all sides. and it really doesn’t feel right to complain because I know some people have it much rougher.

For a while, I carried it around like a heavy weight on my shoulders. Anyone could see from my body language and facial expressions that I was having a hard time with something. Frankly, I didn’t care enough or have the energy to care what people thought. and maybe it’s ok, I thought, that people know I’m hurting…that way I’ll get a little extra grace or sympathy. This wasn’t a conscious thought, of course…I’m not a narcissist.or an egotist. Just someone needing help.

But now, I am in such a better place in my mind. I can walk around “overflowing with hope”, actually smiling. Circumstances haven’t changed much. In fact, in some areas things are a little darker, if that’s possible. But I have learned where my hope comes from. It does NOT come from a change in external circumstances.  It does NOT come from other people’s “help”.  It comes from The Lord.

“May the God of HOPE fill you completely with joy and peace as you trust in him, SO THAT you may overflow with confident HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Rom 15:13

and that “My faith does rest on human wisdom (mine or anyone else’s!) but on God’s power.” 1 Cor 2:5

and that “The Lord will fight for me, I need only to be still (rest in Him, trust Him).” Ex 14:14

I still feel myself floating down Negative Road occasionally…lamenting, feeling despair…but I recognize it MUCH quicker these days and “capture” those thoughts and use God’s mighty weapons (His word) to knock down those strongholds and make those thoughts line up with who God is. 2 Cor 10:4-5 (paraphrased)

So yes, I might walk around like everything is fine, but that silly sock is still wadded up inside my shoe. 🙂

badass

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